


TAMPONS!

by LamentingQuill



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LamentingQuill/pseuds/LamentingQuill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even in the magical world, even if you're over one-hundred, it's still awkward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	TAMPONS!

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bit of silliness for fun. Also, please be aware: NEVER leave tampons in over night. Minerva's are magical, so she's allowed. ;)

** TAMPONS! **

by

_Lamenting Quill_

* * *

 

 

“What did you say, Minerva?” asked Albus, leaning closer to the bathroom door his lover of six months was currently behind.

“I said,” she growled from behind the wood, “I need you to do me a favour!”

“Of course, love. What do you need?” He knitted his brows together in concentration as he tried to hear the grumbled response. “I didn’t catch that, dearest.” Another grumble. “Minerva, really, I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

“TAMPONS!” she shouted abruptly, causing Albus to take a step back from the door, “Bugger it, Albus! I need tampons!”

Albus felt his cheeks turn pink and he cleared his throat. “Oh well… I…um…”

“I can’t hear you, _love_!” came the sarcastic shout from inside the bathroom.

“Er… what exactly is it you… want me to do?” he asked warily, trying not to fidget. He had never been in a position such as this before, and he found himself quite uncomfortable.

“Bring me the head of John the Baptist!” she yelled shrilly, “What do you think I want you to do? Bring me some tampons, you imbecile!”

Albus was not offended by her comments. He had grown used to her temper over the years, especially after getting to know her as more than friends, and especially this particular time of the month. Rubbing a hand over his face he cleared his throat again. “And where, my love,” he asked as patiently as he could manage, “am I to find… those… at midnight?”

“The Forbidden Forest, ask the Centaurs – the bloody Infirmary, Albus! Have you no sense?” Minerva shouted, sounding more and more frustrated.

Albus cringed at the thought of waking Poppy to ask her for… those. But steeling himself, he took a deep breath and replied, “Very well, dearest. I’ll return shortly.”

“You’d better! I don’t fancy being in here all night!” Minerva growled.

Resigned to his fate Albus made his way out of his personal quarters, through his office, down the winding stairs, out into the corridor, and began the trek to the Hospital Wing. He hoped he didn’t run into any wandering students on this night. As he continued through the castle he wished he had remembered his dressing robe, for while his long flannel night shirt was warm, the corridors were draughty. Stifling a yawn, he finally made the last turn and opened the door to the infirmary, reaching for his wand to cast a Lumos only to find he had left it on his nightstand. Sighing, he waved his hand using his limited wandless magic to light the wall sconces.

“Albus?”

Albus looked up to see Poppy coming out of her office tying her dressing gown around her, her carpet slippers flapping lightly against the floor. “I’m sorry to bother you at this late hour, Poppy.”

“It is no matter, Albus. Are you hurt? Ill?”

“Oh no, I’m fine,” he assured the matron, swallowing nervously and trying to decide how to pose his request. “I’m not here on my behalf, actually.”

“Oh? Should I get my bag? Is it a student?”

“No, no. No one is ill. I need… um… that is to say, I am sent here to retrieve.…”

“For Merlin’s sake, Albus, what is it?” Poppy asked in her no-nonsense manner.

Clearing his throat, Albus started again, failing to keep his cheeks from turning red. “Er… feminine products.”

“Excuse me?” Poppy said, raising her eyebrows. “Did you just say you need _feminine products_?”

Albus coughed. “Yes… yes, that’s what I said. Do you have any?” he asked, looking anywhere but at the witch before him.

Poppy, ever the professional, stifled her laughter and nodded. “Of course I do, Headmaster. What kind do you need?”

“What kind?” Albus asked, confused. “There is more than one?”

Poppy did chuckle slightly at that. “Yes, there is more than one. Do you need pads or tampons?”

“Um… the latter,” he said, shifting uncomfortably.

Poppy grinned. “And do you need scented, unscented, cardboard applicator or plastic, light, slender, regular, super, super max, self-changing or un-charmed?”

Albus twiddled with the sleeve of his nightshirt. Why in Merlin’s name did women need so many choices? “Um… could I… have an assortment?”

“Of course, hold on just a moment,” she said, turning and walking off only to return almost immediately with a bright pink box in her hand. “Here’s the Magic-Maxi tampons multi-pack.”

Albus took the garish box, wishing for the second time he had remembered his dressing robe, for it had pockets while his nightshirt did not. “Thank you, Poppy, it is most appreciated,” he said, still unable to look at the witch.

“Anytime, Albus. Is that all you require tonight?”

“Yes… no…. Actually, Poppy, do you happen to have any chocolate handy?” he asked, hoping the chocolate might improve Minerva’s mood.

Biting her lip to keep from laughing Poppy nodded before rushing off to grab a bar of chocolate and giving it to the headmaster. “There you are, now out with you. The longer you keep your witch waiting the worse it will be,” she said with a smirk.

“Thank you, Poppy. See you tomorrow,” Albus said, making his way out of the infirmary and closing the door, pretending not to hear the laughter now coming from the other side. Taking a calming breath, he looked down at the bright pink box with ‘Magic-Maxi Tampons’ all over it in flashing purple letters. He sighed, praying to whatever gods were listening that he wouldn’t run into anyone patrolling the halls tonight. Of course, he couldn’t be that lucky.

He had made it a decent way back through the castle when he turned a corner and quite literally ran into someone, knocking the pink box and chocolate bar out of his hands. He just managed to maintain his balance and not fall backwards. Looking down in horror, he saw that the box had opened and spilled it’s brightly wrapped contents over the corridor’s floor. Allowing his eyes to travel to the form he had ran into, he saw with unfortunate recognition none other than Rolanda Hooch, her arms folded across her chest and one eyebrow raised as she looked from the contents of the box back up to him.

“Something you need to tell me, Albus?” she asked, her yellow eyes alight with humour and a smirk on her lips.

Cursing the fates for his humiliation, Albus bent down and scooped the tampons back into their box and picked up the chocolate. “I think not,” he mumbled, as he straightened up. “If you’ll excuse me, Rolanda, I really must be going. Do have a good night,” he said with a nod, hurrying away from the all too amused witch and down the corridor, cringing at her shout.

“Goodnight, _Albina_!”

Turning the corner, he decided this had to be one of the worst nights in history. He’d rather face Grindelwald again than have to go through this one more time. One thing was for certain; he would now be the topic of conversation in the staff room and probably every meal this week. Rushing through the rest of the halls, he breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped behind the stone gargoyle and rode the moving stairs up to his office. Minerva had better be grateful, that was all he had to say.

Going back into his personal rooms he went over to the bathroom door and knocked lightly. “Minerva, love, I’ve got your… necessities,” he called gently, jumping in surprise as the door opened quickly and the pink box was snatched out of his grasp and the door snapped back closed before he had ever registered what happened. Looking over at the clock on the wall he saw that it was now twelve-thirty. Yawning again, he removed his slippers and padded over to the bed, sitting on the edge and laying the chocolate bar on his nightstand while waiting for Minerva to come out. He looked up when he heard the door click.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Minerva grumbled, walking briskly around to the other side of the bed, throwing back the covers and climbing in, pulling them up over her head.

Albus didn’t particularly want to remember it, let alone talk about it. Breakfast would surely be an interesting event between Poppy and Rolanda, and that was for certain. Swinging his feet off of the floor and settling beneath the covers beside Minerva, he gently peeled the covers away from her face to see that she was lying curled into a ball on her side, her face contorted. “Are you alright, love?” he asked gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Do I look okay?” she ground out through clenched teeth.

Ignoring her comment, Albus climbed back out of bed, going into the bathroom to retrieve a mild pain-relieving draught and his hot water bottle. Filling the bottle with water, he walked back into the bed room, grabbing his wand and charming the water to stay warm. Walking over to Minerva’s side of the bed, he pulled the covers off of her, urging her to sit up. “Here, sit up, my love,” he soothed, handing her the potion which she drank quickly before settling back down in her little ball with a groan. Moving her arms out of the way where they had been wrapped tightly around her mid-section, Albus pressed the hot water bottle against her abdomen and then smoothed the hair back from her face, watching her features slowly relax. Leaning forward, he kissed her chastely on the forehead and watched her eyes flutter open. “Better? I brought you some chocolate up, if you’d like for me to break you off a piece,” he whispered, continuing his gentle stroking of her ebony hair.

“Not right now,” she murmured. “I’ll save it for tomorrow. Thank you… for everything. I’m sorry I was so hateful with you, love.”

Albus smiled at her, tapping her softly on the nose with his finger. “It’s quite alright, dearest. I would be hateful if I had to go through what you go through every month as well.” Kissing her quickly on the lips he stood and walked back around to his side of the bed, climbing back beneath the covers and spooning up against Minerva’s back, placing his hand over hers to help hold the water bottle to her.

“You’re too good to me, Albus. I’m such a lucky witch,” she said sleepily. “But I’m not worth all the trouble you go to for me.”

Albus thought about the night, the way Minerva had yelled at him, fussed, gotten sarcastic, ordered him about, caused him immense embarrassment that was sure to carry into the next day, and how she had called him names. And then he took in the feel of her back against his chest, the feel of her soft hand beneath his own, and how she smelled sweetly of strawberries and ginger. He thought of how her lips felt against his, the way she murmured his name and declared her love for him. “You are worth whatever trouble I gladly go to for you, dearest – that, and so much more.”

 

 


End file.
